“Thank you for accepting us”

“Thank you for accepting us.” That’s how she signed her email. She and her girlfriend had just booked a wedding with me. It broke my heart. These two beautiful women sat in front of me and told me their love story. It was sweet and they both shared their parts in the story like a well-written, well-rehearsed, script to a great movie. Only it wasn’t. It is their life. It is their love. And it’s real.

They shared with me that they were nervous about looking at weddingvenues being a same sex couple. That sometimes they are met with ugliness and resistance. And that she had seen other same sex photos in my galleries and felt comfortable calling.

It caused me to pause and wonder why people are afraid of those unlike them. I don’t drink or smoke, but wouldn’t turn away a customer who did. I also don’t have tattoos or facial piercings – but some of the most amazing people I’ve met do. My parents aren’t divorced, should I turn away a bride whose parents are? Where does that line get drawn?

Our way of life is simple – serve those who have come to us and asked to be served. Love those who have come to us in love. What else?

Bring us your love story. We don’t care if you’re model perfect. Or if you’re marrying a man or woman. Or if your gown isn’t what we would’ve picked. It’s YOUR happily ever after, not ours. We’re just here to be a brick in the path of your journey. And we’re honored to be so.

‪#‎lgbt‬ ‪#‎marriageequality‬

Why We Sometimes Have Prime Dates Available

Sometimes it happens… I get the short notice call about a prime date. Those dates are typically in October, November, March and April. In Arizona, those are the months with predictably nice weather. It would normally be unusual for us (or any venue for that matter) to have dates in these months open with short notice.

At Virginia’s House, we do things a little differently. We allow you to move your event date without losing any deposits. You are able to move your date to another date within a year of the original scheduled date. There is no penalty for this and all of your payments and deposits will follow you to your new date. From what I can gather – we’re the only venue in town that does this. We just think it’s good business. It’s even better karma.

We live in a real household with a real family with real life things that get in the way. Our assumption is that our brides do, too. We’ve had couples who lost their jobs, were in horrific car accidents or had family members with frightening and sometimes terminal illnesses. The dates don’t always get pushed back, sometimes they get moved forward.

So… if you see that our venue is “dark” on a prime date – it’s because we exercise grace and opt to help our couples out. And sometimes that comes at the expense of not rebooking that date. It’s a risk I’m willing to take for those who love deeply.

A Memorial Reflection

Jody Serey (Spirit and Light) and I had a very sweet couple who married at Virginia’s House one evening. They had a very small angel of a child born extremely prematurely. We prayed for sweet Madison at their wedding ceremony, but sadly – they lost her a few short weeks later.

We were able to offer them a place for a small memorial service for their sweet baby. The baby’s grandfather wrote this very sweet message for their baby girl. I wanted to share it with you. I can’t see a hummingbird without thinking of this tiny girl.

Madison and the Hummingbird (translated from Madison y el Colibri) by Delfino Vargas Chanes

A hummingbird came home this morning. The bird flew in front of a yellow flower, and made three short turns before it left from my sight. I enjoyed that moment because I always enjoy the moments that nature gives us as a present for our eyes.

Madison is like the hummingbird, and gave us happy moments during her short stay. She opened her eyes to us and let us know gently how much she loved us and how grateful she was being with us. Madison has taught us that we need to value small things in life, and to appreciate ephemeral things that are significant. She gave us thoughtful teachings that we will keep in our hearts forever. The ephemeral appearance of the hummingbird at home and Madison are alike, not only for their size but for the joy they transmitted to us.

The hummingbird as Madison went home but left a yellow flower – actually many yellow flowers –with honey flavor like nice memories.

[This reflection was written both in Spanish in English by the grandfather of tiny baby Madison. He read his tribute to his granddaughter at her memorial service.]

When Venues Close

It’s happened yet again. A wedding venue has closed right as the spring season is upon us. I’m not sure why it affects me the way it does – less competition for me, right? Sure, but there’s more…there are some very sweet brides and doting grooms that just had their worlds rocked. And that’s not okay.

Because I’m the curious type, I searched the name of the venue that closed. It’s beautiful. Absolutely. I’ve admired it since it opened about two years ago. But looking at the reviews online, I’m wondering why people who clearly don’t like people get in the people business? It seems counter-intuitive to me. If I even had one bad review online, I wouldn’t be able to sleep until I got it right, then made it right for that reviewer.

The rule of starting your own business is “find something you love to do and you’ll never have to work a day in your life.” The addendum to that is… do something you would do, even if you weren’t getting paid to do it. That’s a reality. A cold hard fact. There were many years in the beginning that we put more money in that we got out. But it was my dream and I loved it. And that trumped the make-a-million-dollars-by-the-time-I’m-35-years-old-thing. Every. Single. Day. And nearly 15 years later – I’m still doing what I love.

I’ve been in business since 1998. My paperwork says 1997, that’s when everything was filed, but the first bride I sent down the aisle was November 7, 1998. We made some mistakes. We had some kinks. But we also did everything in our power to make that bride feel as special as we could. And that’s something we’ve done every day since.

I had “wedding professionals” early on tell me that I would “fail quickly” because I refused to be like everyone else. I didn’t want to charge too much, charge extra for every little thing, nickel and dime people to death, then tack on fees, taxes and gratuities. To those who doubted me… I’m still here. And I still don’t charge extra fees. I even eat the tax. The bookkeeping and awkward conversations are not worth it to me. I’m flexible, I’m personal and I care. Really. Once again… I’m still here.

I’m not saying we’re perfect – we’re definitely not. But I’ve met some of the most amazing couples and their families that have enriched my life more than I could ever put into words. Thanks to social media, I’ve been able to watch my couples buy new homes, welcome new babies, graduate from college, welcome more babies and remain a part of their lives. I’ve gotten a couple of very sad cards and calls from those who have lost their loved ones – and I’m flattered beyond belief that they thought to call/write so I would know of the loss. After all, I’m just the wedding venue coordinator, right?

My venue just turned 100 years old. It’s not the most perfect venue; it’s got 100 years of wear, tear and Arizona summers under its belt. But it’s full of love. And I mean full. We named the business after Virginia Hook – the sweet elderly lady that we purchased her home from. We kept in touch with her until her death just a few years ago. In our early years, she wanted me to call before every wedding so she could talk to our brides – she told them loved lived here and they could take some with them. Her family has been here and held events here. They said, “I knew you would be here” when I showed up at her funeral.

We’ve touched every single corner of this historic house, we’ve lovingly restored every single corner of it, and because it’s 100 years old – that process never ends. It’s also my home. We live above “the shop” and we’ve raised our family here. We’re not going anywhere. It’s not just a job, it’s our life. And we have saved this gem of a home from the wrecking ball. It’s going to take a pretty big army of men to drag me away from here. I’ve invested blood, sweat, tears and my family. Who could walk away from that? Not me.So… if you know someone who had their venue pull the rug out from under them – send them my way. I won’t add insult to injury. And I’ll love them like my own.

When you hire the DJ – keep in mind your grandmother will be in attendance

Know your audience. Words to live by. And words to share with your disc jockey.

We had a wedding and reception of a couple that came from a very strict religious background. Their families, as it turned out, were also very strict with their religion. There were several things that have become somewhat ‘normal’ in today’s culture, which will never be normal in certain religious cultures – i.e. living together, premarital sex, etc. One should be extremely careful when assuming what is acceptable and appropriate in each family.

The DJ seemed to be holding his own. Music was playing, people were dancing, it appeared that a good time was being had by all. Then he grabbed the microphone and asked all of the girls who were holding keys to come to the dance floor (he had handed keys to several single girls prior to this request and told them he would call them up later). He went into a big charade about all of the single girls’ hearts that were breaking and they all needed to return his apartment keys – he was off the market now; a married man.

(Insert the sound of crickets…)

The ‘joke’ was totally lost on this crowd. Their religious culture was very specific as to no premarital anything. Offspring lived with their parents until they were married. Couples entered into their marriage covenants pure. (Novel idea – I know…, but truly it still exists. This I assure you.)

So… back to the DJ… Instead of realizing that he had blown this particular joke and moving on, he made a meager attempt at explaining the joke. (Insert the sound of more crickets…) I ran to his aid and suggested that he keep the music on and the microphone off. It was the awkward moment of all awkward moments and the bride’s face was red the entire evening – she was concerned what her grandmother had thought of her.

Still on the topic of DJs, but onto different events – be aware that your grandmother (mother, aunt, church lady) will be in attendance. Just because you downloaded the explicit version of your favorite song on your iPod, does not make it appropriate for public consumption. I’ve been placed in the difficult position several times of the grandmother (mother, aunt, church lady) leaning over to me and saying, “WHAT did he just say?” Some lyrics are rated MA (mature audience). Even some of our most mature guests don’t appreciate the art of some music. Please play accordingly.

My response when they ask? “Oh… I’m not sure. I don’t listen to this stuff.” Even if it’s downloaded on my own iPod.

Wedding receptions and going-away parties don’t mix

She loved him. It was obvious that she did. And he loved her. It was awe-inspiring to see. It made those around them believe in love all over again. They had worked together at an engineering firm for years. They knew each other very well and had a great life planned with each other. However, there was one slight problem… he took another job with an oil company and was being relocated to Oklahoma. This put the wedding plans into high gear after she agreed to move with him.

Their wedding planning had a few hiccoughs in it. Their original venue had double booked their date and sent them packing with only a few months to plan another event. I got a panicked call from a bride on the edge, but we got them squeezed in and everything was back on track. Not only were they planning a wedding, they were planning a major move and major change in their lives – all at the same time. Normally one of these would put the bravest of women hiding under the bed, coming out only to pee and restock the chocolate supply. She was doing a good job keeping everything together, yet moving forward at the same time.

The wedding was beautiful. The bride blushing. The groom doting. The food was delicious. The cake was an attraction. The DJ was keeping the mood festive. Everyone was having a great time – especially the bride and groom.

Then the first guest left.

It happens. The babysitter is getting paid by the hour. Someone has to get up early in the morning, so they cut the evening short. There’s any number of reasons that people will leave a wedding reception early. But it happened. And it was a shock.

It wasn’t a shock to me or the guests leaving, but to the bride, it marked the beginning of the end. She clung to them like they were life vests on a treacherous sea. Then the tears. And more tears. And yet more tears.

The party went on, yet the party was over. At least for the bride. She stood by the gate as each guest tried to leave and hung on them with the fervor of the first victim. I was heartbroken for her. It was horribly sad to watch.

Not knowing what to do, I went to tell the groom what was happening. Apparently it was too much for him, too, but didn’t want to be taken away from HIS friends.

So, this lovely, sweet couple that had the wedding day of their dreams – then suffered major heartbreak that night as they said good-bye to everyone. I’m sure it seemed like a good idea at the time, but as it turned out – it wasn’t such a good idea after all.

Did we forget something…?

It was my first event. November 7, 1998. I was a venue owner! I owned my own business! We had worked so hard to renovate our 1913 historic home and it was finally ready to host its first event. I had arrived at my destination goal and I was a happy girl.

I knew very few things about events that day except that I loved doing them and I was going to quit my job soon and do this full time.

My bride was happy. The bride’s mother was happy. We got everyone dressed. Everything was set-up and decorated – we were ready to go. The photographer was snapping away with the camera and the groom was chewing off his fingernails.

We got through the ceremony with the precision of a well-oiled machine. The reset between the wedding and reception went off without a hitch. The bride and groom were smiling radiantly while the photographer finished snapping photos to commemorate this fabulous occasion (hers and mine).

We flowed flawlessly from the photographs into dinner. The DJ was right on cue with the introductions of the bridal party and the new Mr. and Mrs. This was so much fun!! (Did I mention that I’m a venue owner? And I now own my own business?) I was the queen of my world!

The bride had chosen a Mexican buffet as her dinner offering. Since we allow outside catering, they had taken care of it themselves. It smelled wonderful and the guests were digging in with great delight.

I was standing there trying to look important, yet helpful when the first guest said, “Where can I find the drinks?”

“Ummmm… let me check for you,” I said as I looked around wondering to myself where they were. Not finding any myself, I went to the caterer to ask. With my inability to speak Spanish and her limited ability to speak English – we determined that drinks had not been ordered. What? How does that happen? Didn’t you offer them? Yes, the bride said her mother told her to order food, but didn’t say anything about drinks.

As fun as the placing-the-blame game is to play, it still doesn’t change the fact that there are no drinks to be found anywhere. And then the line started forming… “Can I get some water?”, “This food is really spicy, I need something to drink NOW!”, “What do you mean there are no drinks?”

It was like a bad dream with hoards of angry people with their mouths on fire coming at me with the gusto of the passengers on the Titanic looking for an available life raft. I’M NOT TRAINED! WHAT AM I SUPPOSED TO DO?

So, this is where the rubber hits the road. Grab a pitcher, grab a container of Countrytime lemonade, chip the ice from the bottom of the tray – let’s make something happen. Send my husband to the small market across the street to get something wet – anything. Just go.

The lemonade mix, the red gooey junk he found at the market, water and ice all went into a big bowl served in leftover birthday cups. Tragedy averted. Fires extinguished. All is calm on the western front.

Now we ask… who is ordering the drinks? Are you sure? And just to make darned sure, I always follow up with the caterer prior to the event. “No surprises” is an easier thing to manage than “adapt and overcome”. We can do both, but we’re much more efficient about it now.

$99 wedding dresses – you may get what you pay for

It’s happened twice. The first one I thought was a fluke. The bride called me into her dressing room to tell me her zipper had come unzipped. Upon closer inspection, I noticed that her zipper had come out completely. The dress fit well, but was not too tight – but I thought perhaps she had strained it somehow by trying it on several times or something that would’ve caused wear.

With only moments to spare before the opening chord of “Here Comes the Bride”, I quickly produced some white thread and a long needle to sew her back into her dress. Thankfully she didn’t have any reason to need her zipper for the remainder of the evening . I had to give her groom instruction on how to get her out of it. (His choices were scissors or rip the threads – I never asked which method prevailed; although I have a sneaking suspicion…)

The second time it happened was a very thin bride who was losing the shoulder stitching on a tank dress (not typically a high-stress area of clothing construction). We discovered it as she was getting ready to walk down the aisle. I suggested that she not breathe until she came back down the aisle and we would take care of it then. Apparently she breathed, because when she got back to me – they were barely holding on.

Once again, I came armed with my white thread and needle and took to stitching her back into her dress. There are several wedding pictures with me in them sewing her back in.

My first theory was that the manufacturer used a special thread that dissolved when heated up to body temperature, but that didn’t make much sense. So, the only thing I can come up with is you just may get what you pay for. As great as the $99 rack looks when planning a wedding on a budget – keep looking. It may cause more grief that it’s worth.

Old houses tend to sit in old neighborhoods

It’s true! Old houses DO sit in old neighborhoods. And sometimes those old neighborhoods look much worse than they are…

Virginia’s House, the historic CH Tinker home is no exception. It was the original home built in this neighborhood in 1913 – in fact, it’s legal description is “orchard lot 1”. Many homes were built in the decades to follow using materials not typically used any more – mostly wood siding (the Arizona sun is too hard on it). Add 99 years, multiple economic swings, newer neighborhoods being built further out and these little, tiny, wood sided homes become obsolete. They also become “ugly” to those who are used to looking at large, rambling, stucco, new-builds. And after 60, 70 or even 80 years of being “not good enough”, they start to look pretty bad.

I have had several potential customers do what we refer to as “drive-bys”… meaning they find us online, fall in love with our photos and great reviews, set-up an appointment, drive into the area, then change their mind and leave me waiting without coming in. To these folks, I apologize. To others that haven’t made that drive yet, I ask you to come inside.

The CH Tinker home was built with all of the opulence of 1913 – complete with a music parlor, butler’s pantry, built-in china cabinet and electric lights – all of which are still intact. The home itself is just under 3,000 square feet – a good-sized home for current standards; a mansion at 1913 standards. My husband and I have spent the last 15 years lovingly restoring this home – not renovating – restoring. Restoration is a laborious task that requires more attention than gutting and replacing, not to mention more time and money. We have done our level best to return this beautiful home to it’s original splendor.

As of this writing, I have been in business for almost 14 years. It’s a business I started from nothing, but an old house and a dream and grew it into many happy occasions and lifelong friendships with my brides, their families and friends. Many people may not know this, but it is also my home – we have lived here since 1997 and I have raised my two children here. As hard as I try not to take it personally – sometimes I still do. I have labored over, celebrated and cried into every corner and crevice of this home. I have befriended my elderly neighbors and buried most of them. I was their breath of fresh air when we purchased the property and gave them hope for new things to come. Virginia’s House has been good to me. And them. And I want it to be good to you.

So I ask you this… we have been told all through our lives not to judge a book by its cover. I would ask that you not judge THIS book by the other books on the shelf. There’s a great story written here and I’d like to add your chapter.

Bachelor parties the night before the wedding are a BAD idea

I’m sure you’ve all heard the horror stories of groomsmen putting the drunken groom on a train and he wakes up hundreds of miles and hours away from his bride. We’ve all heard the stories of new tattoos, indelible marker and broken noses from bar fights. Urban legends? Maybe. Although it doesn’t happen often – it does happen.

Just this season, I had a bride show up in a beat up car I had never seen her in before. She was moody and cranky when she got out of the car. She was quick to tell me she wasn’t mad at me, but that I had no idea what she had been through. (Honestly, I thought it was the usual last minute bride stuff where you simply run out of time and forget to go to sleep that night.)

She then proceeded to tell me of her 3am phone call from a local law enforcement officer. He wanted to know if she was getting married that morning. She said yes. The officer told her that he had arrested the groom for DUI (driving under the influence of alcohol) and that he had been yelling from the back seat about not going to jail, he was getting married in a few hours. He just wanted to verify the story.

When she verified the story, the officer (obviously a softie) asked if she would be willing to take responsibility for him and he would not take him to jail. However, her car (that the groom was driving) had already been towed. And he would still have a DUI on record and have to see the judge early Monday morning.

After this close call with the law, the bride was now stuck with a drunk, slobbery man afraid that she was either going to kill him or not marry him. (I actually think he was unable to decide which would be worse.) He kept her up for the rest of the night begging her to marry him and asking her if she was going to leave him at the altar.

As it turns out – he sobered up and she showed up. And a good time was had by all.